reinventing

Of late, I've been feeling like I don't really know how I'm supposed to present myself. I'm noticing that various aspects of who I am are coming out. I'm realizing that my interests are vast. I don't think I have time to pursue all of them to the extent I want. Do you ever get the feeling of stepping out of yourself and looking at yourself through the way others must see you? That's been happening more frequently to me. Sometimes it gets me down somewhat and I grow quiet.

I thought that at this age, I should know who I am. For a while, I was really secure in my knowledge of that. I still know what I value most, but sometimes I don't think I fit into myself quite the way I would like. The suit makes me a little awkward.

Maybe people always reinvent themselves, particularly when life-changing events happen. I feel anxious at times, because I feel like I should be at a particular point in self-determination by this time. But I hazard to guess that there are many people, much older than I, who, for whatever reason, don't quite know who they are anymore.

Maybe I have to settle into not fully knowing who I am exactly.