Hi hi! Probably no one reads this blog anymore. I can't blame you. I've taken the longest hiatus ever. I didn't mean to do it.
There have been many, many changes, though subtle ones. I'm definitely less stressed out, though it seems my penchant for thinking the worst is hanging around. I became programmed to think 'liability' and to prevent it, so I can feel my brain's propensity for it. It's gonna be hard to break. But seriously, I've definitely made some big and positive changes in my life.
I still live with...was I calling him B? In our lovely home. Still 2 boxes left unpacked, but mostly, it's all set up.
My new job was wonderful, though I was bored out of my mind at times. I did discover that I do enjoy responsibility because being people's bitch, no matter how courteous they are, is just not my cup of tea. I like making big decisions (even though deciding what to have for dinner is a chore), and I like people asking for my opinion.
This job ended today, though. I'm going to grad school! Wheee!! Who knows where this new phase will take me. I'm really proud of myself. I didn't think I'd get in with so little time to prepare, but here I am.
What else...2 of my best friends have gotten married, and I've attended 7 weddings in less than two years. Yeesh. I am, however, still without a rock. To be honest, I'm happy where I am. Before getting into grad school, I most definitely did not even think of marriage or children. Though once, in my decision-making about grad school, I said to B, "Hmmm..well, I guess I also want kids". "I did wonder if you want that", he said. I was surprised he didn't think I really thought of it. Turns out he's thought of it. I told him he really should've just out and asked me about it. It made me feel right about deciding to go ahead and get the MA. I forgot that I do want kids someday. But I feel so good knowing that the priority has always been me and my goals, unrelated to a partner, or to children. Well, maybe there was this one time...but in the end, I feel it led me to B, so...
Now that I do feel like the career's on the right path, I'll tell you secretly, that I have started to think more about family. I sense myself being better prepared but not before another couple of years.
So what else about me? I got my hair cut. Chopped it right off! Great feeling. B notices that I'm happier. I do feel excitement creeping back into me after being so stressed out for a couple of years.
Seriously, if you're ever so stressed that you stop looking forward to life, make the positive change, or at least work toward it.
It feels very different coming back to this blog now. I feel less dramatic, less closed in by my own sadness.
What else...I went to Chicago. Mostly I practiced like crazy for months so I could get into grad school. That was my life for a year--- work full-time, then dinner and some dishes, then practice. No greater adventure than this.
So here I am, in my humble, cozy home. Happy to be older and more content.
