I've got to let them both go, I was thinking today in the library. One of them I have. The other not yet, because of all the "but maybes". I can't change anything right now though, so I keep guessing motives and I can't know yet.
C.S. Lewis was saying that maybe God can't help people who are screaming, so desperate. It's like trying to help a drowning person who's panicking too much to be able to grasp the branch being held out. "Knock and it shall be opened" doesn't work if you come to the door yelling, kicking, and screaming. Would you open a door to someone who sounds so angry and downright scary? I wouldn't.
He has a point. Whenever I let go, that is, stop thinking, observe the life around me enough to enjoy it, good things seem to happen to me. Coincidence? Who knows.
