Waiting

I'm due to have a baby this Sunday, May 4! Crazy, right? We're getting a bit impatient as things are pretty much ready, so we're excited to meet the wee one. We don't know whether it will be a boy or girl, adding to the excitement. Most times, I think of it as a boy, but sometimes it really feels like a girl. Of course, people keep guessing, which I guess is part of the fun.

Pregnancy, especially these last weeks, has been an exercise in patience and waiting. Oh the waiting...through tweaking sensations in my pelvis to discomforts in bed at night. I have to remind myself to enjoy all this because truth is, I'm gonna miss feeling this little one in me. It just moved, actually, and it feels very strong now. The movements used to be lighter, though distinct. Now, they're stronger and more of a pressured push. 

It's really interesting knowing that something is about to happen and yet not really know when. In the meantime, you prepare, and try do everyday things. But all I really do now is think 'baby, baby, baby'! I've stopped my research since about a month ago. Stopped teaching about 2 weeks ago. It's been all baby since then. B and I even went on our last dinner date a couple of Saturdays ago. Deelish!

All the baby clothes are washed and in the drawers. Man, are we lucky to get so many hand-me-downs! The birth announcement has even been prepped. All we need is for this cute little one to come on out. 

The waiting keeps me watchful, keeps me here, keeps me searching for things to do, keeps me more present. I kinda like it, even though part of me wants to finish all the tasks! I must keep achieving small goals. But it's really a simple bit of life. B's home a lot because he's job hunting, so it's really nice being with him and spending lots of time together before we have another life to take care of.

I'm hoping to do this without an epidural. I was nervous about trying this up until last week, but I've now read so many labour and birth descriptions that I've just accepted what might be. Again, interesting phenomenon, because I was quite anxious before and now there's just acceptance.

My life's about to change and I don't even know how, exactly. Already, I feel that I want to draw people I love closer to me, to protect them, because my baby and I need them. I want to keep things clean for the baby, too, and I have to remind myself that I need not be so meticulous. Someone told a friend of mine that having a child is like taking your heart out and having it walk around. I hope my heart keeps safe and happy.

I wonder if I'll be a mom by Mother's Day!