Life's been pretty good lately. I'm not entirely satisfied with my playing, but I do feel a renewed sense of why I'm pursuing it in the first place.
Work's not as hectic, so I'm not terribly stressed.
The only thing I haven't worked regularly into my schedule is reading and breaking (dancing, that is). I think that will come soon enough, though.
I'm also tired from staying up late with B, but I'm only occasionally tired due to that. We're really good at making sure we don't disturb the other when we're doing work. We're also really conscious about getting enough rest.
The thing that scares me once in a while is that this could end unexpectedly. The thought doesn't cross my mind frequently, but when it comes, it can bring me down.
It actually feels more like we've been dating for years and we have reached that comfortable stage where you feel settled and happy. What I wonder, though, is whether, in the absence of that intense romantic sweep that brings couples to think they are "in love", will we acknowledge that we're in it? You know what I mean?...
With someone you haven't known for a long time, you get the butterflies and the heart-flutter, and you think, "He's so perfect! I think I love him." In my case, I love having him around. I miss his presence when I don't fall asleep next to him; and feel strange when I don't see him first thing in the morning. He always wants to see me. In fact, we spend almost every night of the week together. I'd say, on average, 3 of 4 nights a week.
What am I trying to say here?...I worry that in the absence of the "butterflies", we won't recognize whether our feelings have grown. What if he decides to go after that feeling? What if it makes us think that what we have isn't enough?
I love holding him, though, and seeing him brings a smile to my face...a sense of calm.
I do realize that I'm over-thinking here, but these are the thoughts that cross my mind once in a while.
You want to know the truth though? I'm really, really happy. He makes me smile, giggle, and laugh. We kiss and hold each other often. We make sure that we don't lose sight of what's most important to us and that we spend all the time we need doing it. Literally, we spend our time together, doing what we need to do alone. It's not distracting. It may even be keeping us on track.
We're happy, and not all too scared anymore.
2 comments:
how do you know he doesn't have the feeling of butterflies?
and i think sometimes, butterflies are overrated. i love them, don't get me wrong, but it sounds to me like you've got some hardcore romance going on here.
you can look at it in two ways:
the cheesy way; you can't feel them but you know they're there, just like how you can feel the wind but you can't see it.
or
the pseudo intellectual way; butterflies are really a feeling of being uncertain, not knowing what's going to happen - and nothing to do with love.
either way, i'm happy you're happy. after all these years, i think it's only fair that we both receive some gosh darn happiness.
i'm back! i'm back! i'm back!
BUT YOU'RE NOT!
where the heck are you? update already!!
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