I celebrate Christmas. It's been up and down for me. I never used to be one to ascribe to the belief that the holidays are difficult. But here I am! I've joined the club.
Whatshisname and I are still good friends. He calls me, we hang out. I don't know exactly where this is going or if it'll go anywhere. You'd think it would be simple now. Boy meets girl, they like each other and give it a shot. Boys and girls, do not become friends with someone you could fall for, that is, if you can help it.
Anyway, as punishment for my being a coward and having someone else do the talking for me, I don't know what exactly was said during "the conversation" and 2 tellings of the story brought up different connotations.
That he likes me is still certain. He's been thinking of asking me out for as long as he has known me, pretty much. Those are the only things I am certain about. Is he still not sure about jumping into a relationship? Was that just my friend's interpretation? Or was that the reason he gave for not acting so far? Meaning that he's getting there.
Some friends say that I may not want to wait around, wasting my time. I'm not sure whether I want to give it up just yet.
There is one thing I know for sure. I want to feel whole again. I want to feel happy and absorbed in the things I do. I want to look up at the sky more and feel delight at that shade of blue. I want to be carried away by books and music like I once was. I want this dark hole that's in me and that keeps making itself felt when my mind finally clears of thoughts to be filled with happiness again.
And, since that's the only thing I can be sure of. I'll have to go with that.
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