I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU!! i hate you for still having the power to make me cry. for making me reminisce. how am i supposed to reach out in friendship if you are still able to make me hurt and live in limbo like this?!! you're so sad right now that it makes me really sad. it makes me want to talk to you like we used to. then you make me feel like a bitch, even though all you've done is share what's going on with you. but you make me feel like a bitch because i can't bring myself to write back. not when i don't know how. but i know that you need me. well, i'm working hard at not needing you. don't you understand that?! i'm working really hard. and you keep setting me back, though you don't know it. but if i write all this to you, it'll be like a kick in the groin when you're down, coz it sounds like you really need a true friend right now.

STOP PUTTING ME INTO SUCH A STATE OF CONFUSION!! IT'S NOT FAIR!! YOU MADE A DECISION, NOW LIVE WITH IT! I'M LIVING WITH IT, AND IT WASN'T EVEN MINE TO START.

but if i turn my back on you, i'll feel bad. because i am luckier to have all my friends and family with me. but is it my duty to help you? duty as what? a friend? it shouldn't even feel like a duty, but you're NOT my friend. not right now.

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! even if i don't want you to. it's just that i really need you to find your own life now, as much as this means leaving me out of it.