Wednesday, March 31, 2004
i can be mean sometimes
I was reading her blog. How the hell can he have gone out with her? I just don't understand it! I mean there are interests that are similar, but on the whole, she can sound rather shallow. To be fair, blogs can only show a certain side to a person, but I just can't seem to find the more substantial side. She sounds really annoying. Fine, fine. I know that a part of me is a bit angry and maybe I'm not being too objective. I do think I am, though, because I'm quite good at being objective. Even when I'm being hurt I can see the other side of things, perhaps to the detriment of the side of me that needs to be angry, even vicious. In this case, nonetheless, I'm only seeing a side which doesn't seem to fit the puzzle.
Was he just lonely? Finding a replacement?
So mind-boggling. So unlike him.
I know that dating is supposed to be about giving people a chance and discovering who fits. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll miss someone because I "know" right away that he's not right. Maybe I should just be giving everyone a chance.
This isn't my style, though. I don't think it's fair, just in case the other person is or becomes truly interested. How long is one supposed to keep at it just in case the person turns out to be the one?
I don't know, I don't know. Don't know which philosophy to adopt. The one that says just keep dating, or the one that feels more me---wait until true interest comes and date only then. I'm sticking to the latter. I wonder if anything will change that. Right now I doubt it. If that's not my inclination, then I'd be dishonest to myself and to him.
Was he just lonely? Finding a replacement?
So mind-boggling. So unlike him.
I know that dating is supposed to be about giving people a chance and discovering who fits. Sometimes, I wonder if I'll miss someone because I "know" right away that he's not right. Maybe I should just be giving everyone a chance.
This isn't my style, though. I don't think it's fair, just in case the other person is or becomes truly interested. How long is one supposed to keep at it just in case the person turns out to be the one?
I don't know, I don't know. Don't know which philosophy to adopt. The one that says just keep dating, or the one that feels more me---wait until true interest comes and date only then. I'm sticking to the latter. I wonder if anything will change that. Right now I doubt it. If that's not my inclination, then I'd be dishonest to myself and to him.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
down
I feel tired and defeated. Like time and circumstance have robbed me of something truly wonderful. And it's the most hopeless, helpless feeling.
Monday, March 29, 2004
ramble ramble
This blog's been kinda boring later. Sorry to the very few who actually read it. Thanks, though. I just wanted to know what it would be like to have a blog 'coz so many people have one. If you can imagine, I haven't told anyone I have a blog. I figure I'd just see what comes out of it. Could be good for testing ideas, so feel free to comment. I'm quite a private person, so I don't fill in details. Interpret the way you want, ask questions,whatever.
Another school year is coming to a close and I'm graduating! I'm leaving people behind, some of whom I barely know, especially the new faces this year. I wish I could've known them better and learned their stories. That's my regret for the year. Or, half-regret. I really needed time to regroup after everything that happened last year. So, I took what only I could give myself---more time for me to reflect, cry, crumble, build myself up. I tried hard to be there for everyone, though, and for those who came to me for help or a listening ear, I think I was there. People are truly amazing. Even those much younger than myself. Hearing new ideas and seeing their optimism translated into energy helps me remember that I am capable of so much. I've become afraid to commit. Really, I think I've just needed rest from all the go-go-go activity of early university.
So, another chapter is ending. I realized that so much can happen in a few months, let alone a year! So, much. The gravity of this for me cannot possibly be transcribed. In a way, it makes me think that anything is possible. There have been events that I never thought would happen, or at least not for a very, very long time, that have materialized. This makes the future incredibly exciting. This means that even things I get down about could turn out to be dreams realized in the end.
As far as the love interest goes, for those who wonder about that...
We're still friends. I think things feel comfortable and familiar again. I started corresponding in a more honest way, and I think that at the very least, that has made me feel like some questions and thoughts are out of the way. Sadly, though, not thoughts about my feelings...not directly, anyway. But c'mon, it would take an idiot...or, a very good friend who would never assume anything...not to figure it out. Time will tell, time will tell. You can't rush things or else it won't feel natural. That could spell the end of everything, including friendship.
There's so much that I'm going to miss, so much that I wish I could've done, but, no real regrets (of course, I've just contradicted myself). That's ok, though. If I didn't have the "wish I could've" list, there would be a space in my life. I'm good with having it filled with that.
I wonder who's reading this. Hey, whoever reads this, leave me a comment, a thought, even just a 'hello'. Curious to know, vaguely, who might be taking a look. Do you come here because you sense stuff in common? Just wondering.
Good night all! Very, very tired and out of it tonight. I aim to wake up early to practice. Sweetest of dreams!
Another school year is coming to a close and I'm graduating! I'm leaving people behind, some of whom I barely know, especially the new faces this year. I wish I could've known them better and learned their stories. That's my regret for the year. Or, half-regret. I really needed time to regroup after everything that happened last year. So, I took what only I could give myself---more time for me to reflect, cry, crumble, build myself up. I tried hard to be there for everyone, though, and for those who came to me for help or a listening ear, I think I was there. People are truly amazing. Even those much younger than myself. Hearing new ideas and seeing their optimism translated into energy helps me remember that I am capable of so much. I've become afraid to commit. Really, I think I've just needed rest from all the go-go-go activity of early university.
So, another chapter is ending. I realized that so much can happen in a few months, let alone a year! So, much. The gravity of this for me cannot possibly be transcribed. In a way, it makes me think that anything is possible. There have been events that I never thought would happen, or at least not for a very, very long time, that have materialized. This makes the future incredibly exciting. This means that even things I get down about could turn out to be dreams realized in the end.
As far as the love interest goes, for those who wonder about that...
We're still friends. I think things feel comfortable and familiar again. I started corresponding in a more honest way, and I think that at the very least, that has made me feel like some questions and thoughts are out of the way. Sadly, though, not thoughts about my feelings...not directly, anyway. But c'mon, it would take an idiot...or, a very good friend who would never assume anything...not to figure it out. Time will tell, time will tell. You can't rush things or else it won't feel natural. That could spell the end of everything, including friendship.
There's so much that I'm going to miss, so much that I wish I could've done, but, no real regrets (of course, I've just contradicted myself). That's ok, though. If I didn't have the "wish I could've" list, there would be a space in my life. I'm good with having it filled with that.
I wonder who's reading this. Hey, whoever reads this, leave me a comment, a thought, even just a 'hello'. Curious to know, vaguely, who might be taking a look. Do you come here because you sense stuff in common? Just wondering.
Good night all! Very, very tired and out of it tonight. I aim to wake up early to practice. Sweetest of dreams!
Saturday, March 27, 2004
city wandering
It's an incredibly warm night. Dinner at Everest. I don't know about that pickled Tibetan salad, though. It sure did stink somethin' awful. A little on the bland side, but rather interesting...not palate-tickling enough. A night out with the girls sure can be fun, though. Noticed the cute bartender. It's strange...scratch that...not strange, but different...looking at a cute guy and knowing that I have nothing stopping me from flirting. Not that I do. I mean, he'd have to make the first move. I'm too chicken.
As much as I'm good not kissing him, I think it might be strange kissing someone else.
Anyway. The night is beautiful, the streets slick after the drizzle. People were actually out on the patios! A walk in clubland sure can be fun. The things people wear! Honestly, if you can't walk in stilettos, don't wear them. It's just not hot that way! We weren't dressed for clubland. Wonder what all those guys checking us out were thinking. Maybe something like..."Oh!" (look us up and down), then, dissapointedly, "oh." Ha ha! Yeah that's right! We're a great looking bunch of girls, though. And smart, witty, and funny. Woe on the man that misses us!
As much as I'm good not kissing him, I think it might be strange kissing someone else.
Anyway. The night is beautiful, the streets slick after the drizzle. People were actually out on the patios! A walk in clubland sure can be fun. The things people wear! Honestly, if you can't walk in stilettos, don't wear them. It's just not hot that way! We weren't dressed for clubland. Wonder what all those guys checking us out were thinking. Maybe something like..."Oh!" (look us up and down), then, dissapointedly, "oh." Ha ha! Yeah that's right! We're a great looking bunch of girls, though. And smart, witty, and funny. Woe on the man that misses us!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
ARRRGGH!!
I fucking suck. Give me time and I'll waste it. I guarantee it! How is it 11:45 already? I pay my bills, have breakfast and poof! gone! I was supposed to practice. There goes the time I would've been in class! And who the hell needs 9 hours of sleep?! I could've done with seven, but the fucking snooze button's too easy to press.
Bye
Bye
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
anyone?
if anyone reads the poem below, please do comment. i don't write much poetry and haven't done so in years, so i'd appreciate feedback. good, bad, suggestions, i don't care...anything's acceptable.
is it the spring influence?
I feel rather happy, or content. Not sure why. Nothing has really changed. It's warmer, but there's still a chill in the air. Regardless, I feel like I've got the energy to be productive for a change.
I feel a closeness to the one past. That's not surprising. It's interesting, though, seeing the type of love change. I feel a connection and a comfort with the thought of him, with hints of nostalgia and a definite smile. Already, the idea of physical intimacy is gently being eroded by time. I'm okay with that. It is strange. There was a time when I couldn't imagine life without him. And yet, here I am---happy, even. And I wonder what it would be like to kiss him again. There would be something of a strangeness to it, I think. Like something unknown had been inserted between us and we'd be kissing through that. It would be more like an observant kiss, relating the past to the present. I think we may actually be able to be friends someday.
And the possible other feels comfortable, yet distant. I think the distance has to do not just with place but with quality of communication, which is still pretty good, and quite constant, but has a different feel---familiar, but maybe lacking a degree of substance. And the love in this case is borne out of friendship and a placid sensation of contentment at just having him around. There's a different kind of connection here that just exists and that I feel will continue to exist no matter what. I remember when I realized there was a kind of love there. I was sitting in another apartment, facing the window and dining table and it felt like the thin skin on a fruit, its fibres frayed, finally letting go, releasing scent and juice, slowly and unobtrusively. If you weren't looking, you wouldn't have seen it.
I feel a closeness to the one past. That's not surprising. It's interesting, though, seeing the type of love change. I feel a connection and a comfort with the thought of him, with hints of nostalgia and a definite smile. Already, the idea of physical intimacy is gently being eroded by time. I'm okay with that. It is strange. There was a time when I couldn't imagine life without him. And yet, here I am---happy, even. And I wonder what it would be like to kiss him again. There would be something of a strangeness to it, I think. Like something unknown had been inserted between us and we'd be kissing through that. It would be more like an observant kiss, relating the past to the present. I think we may actually be able to be friends someday.
And the possible other feels comfortable, yet distant. I think the distance has to do not just with place but with quality of communication, which is still pretty good, and quite constant, but has a different feel---familiar, but maybe lacking a degree of substance. And the love in this case is borne out of friendship and a placid sensation of contentment at just having him around. There's a different kind of connection here that just exists and that I feel will continue to exist no matter what. I remember when I realized there was a kind of love there. I was sitting in another apartment, facing the window and dining table and it felt like the thin skin on a fruit, its fibres frayed, finally letting go, releasing scent and juice, slowly and unobtrusively. If you weren't looking, you wouldn't have seen it.
Saturday, March 20, 2004
a poem
coalesce
a snowflake kissed my lip
surprising precision
force of nature and time
steady step and upward gaze
fate and free will conspire
cold perfected symmetry
made abstract
in the warmth of ecstasy's sigh
Thursday, March 18, 2004
things that make me happy
This blog makes it sound like all I ever think about is this guy crap. Really, that's not all there is to me. So, here's a list of things that make me happy.
- the sky, especially at dusk, when the different gradations of colour transform red orange to midnight blue
- the way babies' fingers curl around my finger by instinct, as part of their desire to learn, it seems
- the smile of a child who finds something in my face to smile about
- puffy, marshmallow clouds
- that particular azure of the sky on a sunny, balmy, cloudless day
- making people understand a piece of music through the way i play it
- delicious, juicy, poetry (e.g. Pablo Neruda)
- random thoughts
- homestarrunner cartoons
- my family!
- my friends!
- the knowledge of what passion feels like
- montreal smoked meat
- watching gilmore girls with my family
- stream-of-consciousness-type conversations with friends
- dancing when no one is watching, including headbanging
- COFFEE!
- a bubbly bath
- scented candles
- Chopin
- singing
- overcoming stupid fears, like breaking in front of people
- the violin
- knowing that someone has processed what i've said and was helped by it
- discovering the everyday magic that people see in seemingly mundane things
- sitting in a pub with friends
- "first nice day"
- good memories
- my dad's cute puns
- the way my mom and dad hold hands in the mall, the way my mom hugs my dad on the couch, the way they argue about petty things (just like school kids), the way my dad follows my mom upstairs when she's upset and kisses his (and our) way back into her good graces
- that photo of my mom and dad a few Christmasses ago, looking into each other's eyes (my mom a little shyly and my dad playfully), about to kiss
- the way my friends are ALWAYS, ALWAYS there for me
- the weirdness of my friends
- gloomy bear
- taking photos
- Amelie
- the thought of falling in love
- a really, really good book
- free time
- learning
- plants, flowers
- the way my flowering plants are in bloom again---even my 4-year old chrysanthemum (and you thought they were once-only plants from the grocery store!)
- the way my aunt pees her pants if she laughs too hard
- laughing 'til my tummy hurts
- cute stuffed animals
- mind-boggling music
- puzzles
- sunshine
- the moon (and a special place in my heart for a just-before-full moon)
- tori amos
- contemporary piano music
- performing
- confusing people
- getting dressed up for a night on the town
- putting on make-up (which doesn't take me very long at all)
- feeling good
- miss vickie's jalapeno, and sweet chili and sour cream chips
- new electronics
- getting fun e-mails
- the thought of going to europe
- good talks with my brothers
- thai food
- a nice, plump, red, juicy tomato
- seeing someone genuinely having a great time
- hearing taiko drumming
- the feel of a really velvety blood red rose
- glimpses of what it feels like not to care what people think
- that wonderful space where your mind is clear and it seems like your inner sense of feeling is all you've got to go on, a sort of lightness of being
- the way it feels when i believe God has given me a special gift
- Lindt orange chocolate
- being happily drunk, that slightly "swimmy" feeling your head gets
- foot baths
- jasmine and its smell
- hiking way up, up
- those rare moments when i feel like i'm the shit
- the intimate warmth you feel when a special body gets to that specific point of closeness to yours, before contact
- "darkness" - a word i use to describe all those inexplicable feelings or places where it seems only your soul or mind exists
- dark red, sweet, small, perfect strawberries like those that once grew in a small section of the backyard of our old house
- my cousin joe
- people who are really comfortable with themselves
- generosity
- being genuinely appreciated
- cognac
- carefree laughter and energy on a spring day (hell, any day!)
- the impenetrable green of leaves backlit by sunlight
- stars
- shooting stars
- the thought of being up among the highest peaks in the mountains of maolin, taiwan
- the smell of newly published books
- the smell of just-out-of-the-washer-and-dryer clothes
- "mud" - as in crushed, chocolate birthday cake
- the surge of energy, especially when able to use it by jumping or hitting something (not in anger) for the sheer force of being alive
- yellow freesias
- a very ripe black plum, its juices dripping from my lips and running down my arm
That was fun!! I think I'll add to this list if more things come to mind.
- the sky, especially at dusk, when the different gradations of colour transform red orange to midnight blue
- the way babies' fingers curl around my finger by instinct, as part of their desire to learn, it seems
- the smile of a child who finds something in my face to smile about
- puffy, marshmallow clouds
- that particular azure of the sky on a sunny, balmy, cloudless day
- making people understand a piece of music through the way i play it
- delicious, juicy, poetry (e.g. Pablo Neruda)
- random thoughts
- homestarrunner cartoons
- my family!
- my friends!
- the knowledge of what passion feels like
- montreal smoked meat
- watching gilmore girls with my family
- stream-of-consciousness-type conversations with friends
- dancing when no one is watching, including headbanging
- COFFEE!
- a bubbly bath
- scented candles
- Chopin
- singing
- overcoming stupid fears, like breaking in front of people
- the violin
- knowing that someone has processed what i've said and was helped by it
- discovering the everyday magic that people see in seemingly mundane things
- sitting in a pub with friends
- "first nice day"
- good memories
- my dad's cute puns
- the way my mom and dad hold hands in the mall, the way my mom hugs my dad on the couch, the way they argue about petty things (just like school kids), the way my dad follows my mom upstairs when she's upset and kisses his (and our) way back into her good graces
- that photo of my mom and dad a few Christmasses ago, looking into each other's eyes (my mom a little shyly and my dad playfully), about to kiss
- the way my friends are ALWAYS, ALWAYS there for me
- the weirdness of my friends
- gloomy bear
- taking photos
- Amelie
- the thought of falling in love
- a really, really good book
- free time
- learning
- plants, flowers
- the way my flowering plants are in bloom again---even my 4-year old chrysanthemum (and you thought they were once-only plants from the grocery store!)
- the way my aunt pees her pants if she laughs too hard
- laughing 'til my tummy hurts
- cute stuffed animals
- mind-boggling music
- puzzles
- sunshine
- the moon (and a special place in my heart for a just-before-full moon)
- tori amos
- contemporary piano music
- performing
- confusing people
- getting dressed up for a night on the town
- putting on make-up (which doesn't take me very long at all)
- feeling good
- miss vickie's jalapeno, and sweet chili and sour cream chips
- new electronics
- getting fun e-mails
- the thought of going to europe
- good talks with my brothers
- thai food
- a nice, plump, red, juicy tomato
- seeing someone genuinely having a great time
- hearing taiko drumming
- the feel of a really velvety blood red rose
- glimpses of what it feels like not to care what people think
- that wonderful space where your mind is clear and it seems like your inner sense of feeling is all you've got to go on, a sort of lightness of being
- the way it feels when i believe God has given me a special gift
- Lindt orange chocolate
- being happily drunk, that slightly "swimmy" feeling your head gets
- foot baths
- jasmine and its smell
- hiking way up, up
- those rare moments when i feel like i'm the shit
- the intimate warmth you feel when a special body gets to that specific point of closeness to yours, before contact
- "darkness" - a word i use to describe all those inexplicable feelings or places where it seems only your soul or mind exists
- dark red, sweet, small, perfect strawberries like those that once grew in a small section of the backyard of our old house
- my cousin joe
- people who are really comfortable with themselves
- generosity
- being genuinely appreciated
- cognac
- carefree laughter and energy on a spring day (hell, any day!)
- the impenetrable green of leaves backlit by sunlight
- stars
- shooting stars
- the thought of being up among the highest peaks in the mountains of maolin, taiwan
- the smell of newly published books
- the smell of just-out-of-the-washer-and-dryer clothes
- "mud" - as in crushed, chocolate birthday cake
- the surge of energy, especially when able to use it by jumping or hitting something (not in anger) for the sheer force of being alive
- yellow freesias
- a very ripe black plum, its juices dripping from my lips and running down my arm
That was fun!! I think I'll add to this list if more things come to mind.
hmmm...maybe that's why...
I've just had some friends over. We were reading something he wrote and we laughed about how super ridiculous and melodramatic everything sounded. It dawned on us that this was not the guy we knew and loved. He had changed. I attributed it to his being stuck in his head too much, confined to his own box. Maybe that's why he seems so distant and things don't feel the same. But maybe we're being unjust. I think I've gotten caught up, too, in his inner world, through this limited medium. It took our laughter over the elementary qualities of some of his lines to make me realize that.
Wonder what he'll be like when he gets back.
Wonder what he'll be like when he gets back.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004
sunshine doesn't help
I feel like he doesn't see me, though he once did. I'm sure of it.
Did you forget how connected we were before you left? The way we'd laugh before knowing the joke only to find out that it was the same one? We both knew that the sky held more secrets than people knew and that behind the laughter and ease, there were details we could see but were not allowed to know. How soon you've forgotten the care we so naturally took to make sure the other wasn't sad. Spring was when we were talking, pushing each other playfully. Have you already forgotten that we ran to each other because we knew we'd understand?
And now you don't see me. You've forgotten it all and have gotten caught up in a momentary connection that even you knew couldn't be sustained. And now you're searching for someone to know you in the depth of darkness. But you see, you have to want to know the other's darkness too, not just want them to know yours. If only one is searching, you may bump into the other, but she'll have her back turned, or her profile to you. Look for the one who's willing to see you in all the convoluted, chaotic ways that you are---the one who wants you to turn around and to look into your eyes and speak mutely in order to breathe and feel that darkness.
Did you forget how connected we were before you left? The way we'd laugh before knowing the joke only to find out that it was the same one? We both knew that the sky held more secrets than people knew and that behind the laughter and ease, there were details we could see but were not allowed to know. How soon you've forgotten the care we so naturally took to make sure the other wasn't sad. Spring was when we were talking, pushing each other playfully. Have you already forgotten that we ran to each other because we knew we'd understand?
And now you don't see me. You've forgotten it all and have gotten caught up in a momentary connection that even you knew couldn't be sustained. And now you're searching for someone to know you in the depth of darkness. But you see, you have to want to know the other's darkness too, not just want them to know yours. If only one is searching, you may bump into the other, but she'll have her back turned, or her profile to you. Look for the one who's willing to see you in all the convoluted, chaotic ways that you are---the one who wants you to turn around and to look into your eyes and speak mutely in order to breathe and feel that darkness.
must stop
I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep going on the internet, wasting time. I should be practicing. Sometimes, I don't even have anything in particular to look at on the net, but I stare anyway. It's as if I'm searching for some kind of answer and I expect it to jump out at me somehow. As if this will link me to some omniscient being, a sage, who will enlighten me.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
easier said than done
I've got to let them both go, I was thinking today in the library. One of them I have. The other not yet, because of all the "but maybes". I can't change anything right now though, so I keep guessing motives and I can't know yet.
C.S. Lewis was saying that maybe God can't help people who are screaming, so desperate. It's like trying to help a drowning person who's panicking too much to be able to grasp the branch being held out. "Knock and it shall be opened" doesn't work if you come to the door yelling, kicking, and screaming. Would you open a door to someone who sounds so angry and downright scary? I wouldn't.
He has a point. Whenever I let go, that is, stop thinking, observe the life around me enough to enjoy it, good things seem to happen to me. Coincidence? Who knows.
C.S. Lewis was saying that maybe God can't help people who are screaming, so desperate. It's like trying to help a drowning person who's panicking too much to be able to grasp the branch being held out. "Knock and it shall be opened" doesn't work if you come to the door yelling, kicking, and screaming. Would you open a door to someone who sounds so angry and downright scary? I wouldn't.
He has a point. Whenever I let go, that is, stop thinking, observe the life around me enough to enjoy it, good things seem to happen to me. Coincidence? Who knows.
Sunday, March 14, 2004
i like being drunk
DRUNK AS DRUNK
Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made out of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it -- our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal --
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.
Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowzy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.
- Pablo Neruda (transl. by W.S. Merwin)
wasting
I keep thinking of things that make me cry. I daydream, I reminisce.
When someone's a part of you for so long, you sometimes wonder how it's possible that he'll never be in your life in quite the same way. And sometimes, I still miss him and ask, "Why?" And I wonder whether I'm really, truly open to someone else---completely.
I want the next one to always work out a way with me not to let anything get in the way of a good relationship; to keep together, no matter what, as long as the relationship is good. Because it seems a waste to love each other and then let go because someone has to do this and that. I want someone whom I can be with, regardless of what I'm doing and where I'm doing it, and I'd be there for him in the same way too. I want someone to change with me and to love me through the changes of time and place. Because I would do the same.
The next one has to work with me and take the time to weather the changes, and take me along through his changes; to keep building a bridge with me, no matter how our paths diverge so that there will always be a way to each other.
That's what I want and I won't settle for anything less.
When someone's a part of you for so long, you sometimes wonder how it's possible that he'll never be in your life in quite the same way. And sometimes, I still miss him and ask, "Why?" And I wonder whether I'm really, truly open to someone else---completely.
I want the next one to always work out a way with me not to let anything get in the way of a good relationship; to keep together, no matter what, as long as the relationship is good. Because it seems a waste to love each other and then let go because someone has to do this and that. I want someone whom I can be with, regardless of what I'm doing and where I'm doing it, and I'd be there for him in the same way too. I want someone to change with me and to love me through the changes of time and place. Because I would do the same.
The next one has to work with me and take the time to weather the changes, and take me along through his changes; to keep building a bridge with me, no matter how our paths diverge so that there will always be a way to each other.
That's what I want and I won't settle for anything less.
Friday, March 12, 2004
there are some good things...
I have to keep reminding myself, but it's quite nice having my time to myself now. I can do whatever I want. I don't have to keep anybody else's schedule in mind. I don't have to stay up because someone else wants to stay up. It's been a while since I've had the ability to monopolize my time. (Well, I've got jobs, and school work, etc.) If I didn't spend so much time on the internet, I'd do more productive things.
In a way, this is the time to set myself up and be happy because of and for me. I may never have a chance like this again. Here I am, always worrying about passing up a chance to be with someone, when I could be passing up the best time to be with myself. Imagine how strong I'll be and what I'll learn, and how I'll change by allowing myself that time. Right now, it seems like such a great idea! It IS a great idea. Think how much more interesting I'll be and what passions I can cultivate!!
After all, one thing I've learned is that I can only truly count on myself. This sounds rather jaded, but no one really knows when loss is going to hit. So...if I can be happy with myself, I'll always have that. I'll always know what to do if I get hurt again.
This way, I'll be prepared for "the one", because I'll be more independent and not so caught up in the relationship due to fears and insecurities. Or, if I never find "the one", I'll still be satisfied with myself and my relationships with other people, and in the everyday miracles of life.
In a way, this is the time to set myself up and be happy because of and for me. I may never have a chance like this again. Here I am, always worrying about passing up a chance to be with someone, when I could be passing up the best time to be with myself. Imagine how strong I'll be and what I'll learn, and how I'll change by allowing myself that time. Right now, it seems like such a great idea! It IS a great idea. Think how much more interesting I'll be and what passions I can cultivate!!
After all, one thing I've learned is that I can only truly count on myself. This sounds rather jaded, but no one really knows when loss is going to hit. So...if I can be happy with myself, I'll always have that. I'll always know what to do if I get hurt again.
This way, I'll be prepared for "the one", because I'll be more independent and not so caught up in the relationship due to fears and insecurities. Or, if I never find "the one", I'll still be satisfied with myself and my relationships with other people, and in the everyday miracles of life.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
beautiful dreams
"I'm not sure how to tell you this. I think you're awesome. I really like you and I want to have a chance to make you smile everyday. To argue with you, run around in the rain with you, splash in puddles with you, say crazy things with you, get mad at you. Kiss you, make love to you. And have you love me, and look into my eyes and know that you're happy."
He looks at me, smilling, "I am happy."
He looks at me, smilling, "I am happy."
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
what would happen if...
I told him that I love him. Would it scare him?
I feel like he would say: "There was a time when I felt the same, but things have happened, and I'm not really thinking about that now, though you're still special to me. Maybe be when I get back...we'll see what happens."
Maybe that's just the truth of it all. A chance comes, and, timing not being right, passes.
And it hurts like crazy.
I feel like he would say: "There was a time when I felt the same, but things have happened, and I'm not really thinking about that now, though you're still special to me. Maybe be when I get back...we'll see what happens."
Maybe that's just the truth of it all. A chance comes, and, timing not being right, passes.
And it hurts like crazy.
i hate not knowing
I hate not knowing how he feels about me. There's an obvious connection and I'm a wimp. I'm scared, he's scared. Everyone sees it. It's so pathetically Dawson's Creek. FUCK! Someone say something already. This is a pattern for me though. Long friendships that develop into something, and then the waiting. Oh, the waiting...
Monday, March 08, 2004
my future
First of all, here are your lucky Numbers for the games you play:
5 - 20 - 29
You will be able to use them within the favourable periods I am going to indicate.
Here is for you
my Horoscope Clairvoyance of this day
As you are going to discover in this letter, Friend, this is information of the highest importance. Indeed, this morning, when I thought about your particular case, after having looking over the data that you gave me, I had an astonishing vision concerning you. I felt a pressing desire to take care of your case.What I saw about you Friend, had a powerful effect on me.
Yes, dear Friend, Positive Events of extreme importance are about to change your life entirely in the coming weeks.
I am already able to share my first findings with you. Here are, in brief, the most important dates I have been able to discern for you:
On Thursday, March 18, 2004, expect to hear excellent news concerning your love and friends,
On Saturday, March 20, 2004, an exceptional opportunity to change all you life will be offered to you (be on the lookout and seize it immediately!).
On Sunday, March 28, 2004, I see you getting the Chance to unexpectedly win a large amount of money (don’t pass up on this!)
On Saturday, April 03, 2004, you may encounter a marvelous person who could eventually become a reliable and dependable friend…
On Friday, April 09, 2004, be prepared for more, very substantial, financial good luck and seize it at the right moment...
I am sure you are astonished to hear about the tremendous blessings coming to you these weeks, but to me, this comes as no surprise.
Yes, these are uncommon events that I have seen coming to you, and for this reason I had to warn you immediately so that you can have the time to prepare yourself and be able to properly receive the marvelous blessings of all these unexpected events.
It will be for you, Friend, an opportunity to take a new path in life. You will easily overcome this difficult period of your life. You could live the life of your dreams, the life that you desire, the life that you deserve. You could finally say: "Farewell to care, farewell to all my problems….."
In the briefest time limits, things could change for you Friend as for a new birth. It is going to be for you, Friend, luck marvelous to change all your life radically. It will be the Luck of your life.
You realize that you are going through a very difficult period of your life just now. But, Friend, thanks to these auspicious events, which will be like a GIFT from the heavens, your present life, (which doesn't satisfy your needs), will change into a brilliant new existence where money, Luck and love will come flowing towards you.
I foresee everything very clearly, and I am already preparing for you an serious study in great detail. I would like to show it to you as it would help you to prepare yourself for the prosperity which I see coming your way.
In this work that I am preparing for you, I will be able to show you your new life, your marvelous life, if you decide to listen to me and follow the advice that I prepare for you.
I saw that your existence was going to change totally in the days to come! But beware, Friend, because it will be a difficult abyss to cross, because at this decisive stage all could be lost. You would risk living in misery until the end of your days, without having the least good fortune to see to change of any kind.
And if you want to benefit from this marvelous dream life, this life in which all you do will succeed, it will be necessary to know how to get past this difficult turning point in your life.
Since I dedicate myself to the wellbeing of others, I realize that it is always very difficult to pass by a precipice as precarious as the one that you are going to meet.
I am starting a Predictions study about you and your near future, and I see marvelous events coming towards you one after another!
Love, Good Luck, Money, Happiness, --everything GOOD seems to be coming to you…
The dates you have just learnt are just a small glimpse into your future, and there is I know much more Good Fortune to look forward to!
I am sure that the coming months and weeks will allow you to realize your wildest dreams, and give you (finally) that which you desire most in the world. I am absolutely certain of this.
You must understand , Friend, that you are at a decisive turning point in your life. Due to the auspicious events that I have discovered for you, you are entering into a marvelous period of Good Luck, where you will be carried along in a tide of intense happiness and Good Fortune.
These will be, without doubt, the most beautiful days of your life!!
Everything leads me to believe that this auspicious period will afford the chance for you to completely change your existence, and most particularly the areas of relationships and finances.
This is because you have recently experienced a rare and exceptional event.
You heard the fuss about the Millenium BUG, which the computer experts believed would cause a lot of trouble…
You know the computers which program the elevators, the traffic lights, and even the air traffic control was going to be disrupted by the Millenium Bug! It was believed that even the bank machines, microwave ovens and airplanes would stop working…
It's the same sort of thing that happens in the astral realm and particularly in this year. Even the planets could have been stopped by this 'return to zero' on all of the computers.
However, nothing happened; there was no 'Bug', either on earth or in space and all continued as usual…
...all is well, and all is well especially for you!
For once you will benefit from this magnificent organization of the planets…
So you see, because of this famous millenium, the planets and other cosmic influences seem to be doing extraordinary things! For example, do you realize that last year there were 13 full moons instead of 12? Yes, the stars, (no doubt alarmed by the millenium change), produced one moon more! This shows you the supreme order of the astral realm.
This event created certain positive influences which will be very good for you. And as we cannot say exactly the date of the change from one millenium to the next, we will benefit from its effects for several years to come.
However, those who have good fortune in their lives risk to lose some, whereas those who have little good fortune, like you Friend, stand to have their luck multiplied by 100, even by 1000!
Thanks to this planetary configuration, I am sure that exceptionally good luck will come to you in every area of your life, (particularly in those of romance and money.)
I can say with certainty HOW AND WHEN those happy events will occur…
I will note all of the dates and events which can bring you LUCK, LOVE and MONEY during the next seven months in a very profound and precise Predictions which I am preparing for you.
This Great Clairvoyance confirms my first impressions; your life will be turned around completely during the next weeks. Most importantly, I can give you some new predictions Friend which you can depend upon in the next 7 months.
Beside each of your important dates and events, I shall note what to do to secure success in Money and Happiness, the joy of which you can scarcely imagine.
Yes, with my confidential information from the Great Clairvoyance of your 7 months of Good Fortune, you will soon write back to me to tell me of your newfound happiness! You will want to share stories of your SUCCESS, JOY, LUCK, MONEY and LOVE, just as so many other people have done! (You can read their letters attached to this.)
Destiny has decided to give you a wonderful and RARE gift, and you will surely be on the road to HAPPINESS, LOVE and GOOD FORTUNE…
You are sure and certain to profit from each piece of Good Fortune which fate has ordained for you during the next 7 months, the most wonderful of your life.
Imagine what this will mean for you Friend.
Soon all your misfortunes, your debts and lack of money will be a distant memory…
LOVE, GOOD LUCK, MONEY and everything you always wished for will flow into your life, giving you a thousand joys.
I know that you do not entirely believe in what I say, and yet I give you my word that what I say will come true if you follow the simple advice given in my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Fortune.
Here are some more predictions
Remember, Friend, that at the beginning of this letter, I spoke to you of a chance meeting which would lead to something beneficial for you…
Well, I can tell you that this meeting will involve your emotions.
I cannot say more just now, but you will discover for yourself all the details of this meeting my Great Clairvoyance of your 7 MONTHS OF GOOD FORTUNE. All I can say is that this meeting will bring much happiness and may even bring about an important change in your life, (including your financial future).
On the financial side, it looks as if you have not yet received a large sum of money? I must tell you that you have not yet been ready to receive this, and one particular sum of money is very important! In fact, all the positive elements of your personality show me that money is about to arrive. Only one action is needed for you to grasp hold of it…
But be careful, Friend, because if you wish to receive this sum, and if you want to encounter this person who can change the course of your life, you must carefully follow the advice which I shall give in my Great Clairvoyance for the next 7 months of Good Luck. This is necessary for your happiness.
But, now, Friend, it is a good time to act and I shall tell you how.
I told you that great changes await you during the next few months, and particularly in the next 7 months.
You will meet several opportunities and you must choose which to go along with and those to avoid! If you seize these great opportunities which I mentioned, your life will truly start anew in a way you never envisioned…
On the other hand, if you miss out on these opportunities, they will not appear to you again for a THOUSAND YEARS! (You, sadly, will not be there to profit from them!!)
Destiny has ordained that you will benefit from this amazing time and its attendant luck and happiness. Be sure not to miss out on these unique and unexpected opportunities which offer themselves to you--be sure you take full advantage of them.
This is what you must do, Friend, to attain the happiness which awaits you: please give me your agreement and return the Special Offer which I have prepared especially for you.
Do it straight away, because you might forget and risk losing this bliss which is ready for you.
I remind you that I see many positive things available to you during the next 7 months……
My Great Clairvoyance of your 7 months of Good Fortune that I am preparing for you will truly be the path to your future joy.
So, if you really wish to improve your life, if you want Money, Love and Good Luck to be part of your life, act now – it is in your own best interest.
For you, Friend, I shall start by trying to send you a large sum of money. For this I shall decipher your SEVEN Lucky Numbers for the Miraculous Period of Good Fortune which awaits you. You can then use these 7 special numbers at the auspicious times which I shall also indicate to you. You must use these numbers on the dates I give you.
Then, I shall arrange a Special Ritual Ceremony for Money to influence your chances in the Miraculous Period of Good Fortune which you will experience. As I have seen during my long in-depth studies, you will receive a large sum of money (I have clearly seen the figure 80,000). I am feeling optimistic for you and I think that you can be optimistic also!
Finally, I will perform an Occult Magical Power Ritual to allow you to rid yourself of the negative vibrations which trouble you. This will help you directly to COMPLETE JOY, which you deserve and will be finally yours.
Here is what I shall do for you, Friend,
I shall send you by return mail my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Fortune.
The results of the Great Clairvoyance together with my Occult Magical Power Ritual, (which I shall send also), will lead you directly to the HAPPINESS you deserve.
Yes, Friend, let me send my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Luck and Good Fortune. I place all my faith and experience in these predictions because I had a very clear vision of your life in the study I did for you. I will be able to give you the details and the exact way to take to lead you to the great HAPPINESS which must be yours, and to the WEALTH, because I saw also quite clearly that you will be rich; I saw that very clearly!
In my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Luck, I shall also tell you:
how certain planets influence your life and determine your most auspicious times, your lucky times, your meetings with different people and your relationships with them.
I shall reveal:
how others see you, what they think of you and how sensitive you are. Some new revelations about yourself, your personality and also about those who surround you…
I shall help you discover:
your real capacities
how lucky you really are
your true talents
your secret gifts and aptitudes…
I shall disclose:
the obstacles within yourself which trouble you, the 'mental blocks' which prevent your success. However, I shall tell how to increase your good luck, how to avoid obstacles and to make decisions at the best times, taking advantage of these opportunities ahead of you.
They can bring you the 7 most wonderful months of your life (and the happiest).
However, that is not all, I shall do one thing for you, Friend. I know that your newfound happiness is written in golden letters in the astral sky—I 'SAW' it!
The third thing I would like to do for you, if you will allow me, is to do for you, Friend, a long series of Mystical Ceremonies, called High Protection Ceremonies that I will begin as soon as I have your agreement.
These mystical ceremonies are destined to recharge your forces Luck and your energy potentiel so you can fully benefit from their beneficial effects, so that the gates of love, money and luck open wide.
These mystical ceremonies will bring you, day after day, the indispensables elements that you lack of right now to make your every day life become and stay the marvellous Life you are about to experience and which should be yours forever.
It will be for you permanently a formidable beneficial occult action multiplying by 1000 you energy potential, to increase your forces of luck, success and happiness.
From this day forward, I will devote myself to the establishment and the keeping of the Great Happiness in your life.
I am so happy to think that it will be for you the beginning of a new and exceptional life if you make today the right choices.
Yes, Friend, I promise you, I place you under high constant protection and if you trust me and if you follow the advice I will give you, LUCK, LOVE and MONEY will enter your life and will neevr leave you.
This decisive step is like a huge gate that will open itself to a better world. Alone at this moment, you seem to me to be too weak to push it and open it and benefit from the Treasures that your future holds for you.
But if we are two, you, Friend, with your faith, and me and my abilities and powers, I promise you that we will be able to open that gate. We will succeed in opening it together, and discover this new and wonderful world that you can't even imagine…
This is what awaits you if you make this important step.
If you future may be porr and dark if you don't succeed in making this step, it my be brilliant and successful if you do succeed.
If you make this important step victoriously, a new life, totally different from the one you are living right now, will come to you, this life will be the true marvellous Existence that you deserve.
Not knowing the loose ends and diffculties, with credits or debts to pay back, but having instead all the money you need and even more (I have seen coming a large sum…)
Not knowing lonelinesss and disarray, but feeling instead Friendship and Love, having always someone next to you, someone to talk to, on whom you cant count ant who loves you,
Not beeing the victim of oneself shyness, blocks, but finding back instead the great confidence in oneself, beeing aware of your radiance, your charm, feeling full of insurance,
Never doubt yourself and your future again, but having faith in yourself again and the certainty of a bright future,
You will see a brilliant future opening in front of you, which will make you more confident in yourself and will give your happiness and hope,
And you will be able to verify yourself this saying: Money attracts money, luck attracts luck, love attracts love.
Yes, Friend, the more you will be lucky - and trust me you will - the more luck will come to you. The more you will have money the more money will come to you. This is how the world works and that is how I see your new life.
Yes, if you truly make this important step in your life in the right conditions, you can believe me, your life will be really different from the one you are living today.
But you must act now,
Yes, if you truly wish your life to change, if you truly desire money to fulfill every desire you have, if you want to be attractive, have faith in yourself, retain luck, live a life that is different from your current one, it is now that you must act, now and not later.
This is why I'm telling you, act now and fill in your Help Request to make the right step for a Marvellous Life (the marvellous Existence you deserve) and send it to me right away. It is really important pour you and your future!
Above all, give me your agrement right now
Now it is a good time to complete your Help Request for my Great Predictions for your 7 months of Good Luck and to return it as soon as possible to me…even today! Thus you will be sure not to forget and above all gain from all these opportunities for happiness which await you in the 7 most marvelous months of your life.
I kiss you with all my heart and once again wish you, dear Friend, every happiness you deserve.
Your Friend,
PasquaLina,
PS. I remind you that you will be able to benefit from all these events which will occur in the next 7 months. You can take advantage of all these opportunities for happiness and financial gain. Seize the opportunity, because it will not occur again for 1000 years!
Dear Friend, I want you to take advantage also of a discount on the total amount of my fees. I want you to benefit from the important GIFT because I truly wish for your HAPPINESS and I don't want you to miss out on all these opportunities for HAPPINESS and MONEY, which will bring you the marvelous life for which you have longed.
Complete quickly your Help Request for my Great Predictions for your 7 months of Good Luck,
Too bad about the pitch at the end. Nothing's for free.
5 - 20 - 29
You will be able to use them within the favourable periods I am going to indicate.
Here is for you
my Horoscope Clairvoyance of this day
As you are going to discover in this letter, Friend, this is information of the highest importance. Indeed, this morning, when I thought about your particular case, after having looking over the data that you gave me, I had an astonishing vision concerning you. I felt a pressing desire to take care of your case.What I saw about you Friend, had a powerful effect on me.
Yes, dear Friend, Positive Events of extreme importance are about to change your life entirely in the coming weeks.
I am already able to share my first findings with you. Here are, in brief, the most important dates I have been able to discern for you:
On Thursday, March 18, 2004, expect to hear excellent news concerning your love and friends,
On Saturday, March 20, 2004, an exceptional opportunity to change all you life will be offered to you (be on the lookout and seize it immediately!).
On Sunday, March 28, 2004, I see you getting the Chance to unexpectedly win a large amount of money (don’t pass up on this!)
On Saturday, April 03, 2004, you may encounter a marvelous person who could eventually become a reliable and dependable friend…
On Friday, April 09, 2004, be prepared for more, very substantial, financial good luck and seize it at the right moment...
I am sure you are astonished to hear about the tremendous blessings coming to you these weeks, but to me, this comes as no surprise.
Yes, these are uncommon events that I have seen coming to you, and for this reason I had to warn you immediately so that you can have the time to prepare yourself and be able to properly receive the marvelous blessings of all these unexpected events.
It will be for you, Friend, an opportunity to take a new path in life. You will easily overcome this difficult period of your life. You could live the life of your dreams, the life that you desire, the life that you deserve. You could finally say: "Farewell to care, farewell to all my problems….."
In the briefest time limits, things could change for you Friend as for a new birth. It is going to be for you, Friend, luck marvelous to change all your life radically. It will be the Luck of your life.
You realize that you are going through a very difficult period of your life just now. But, Friend, thanks to these auspicious events, which will be like a GIFT from the heavens, your present life, (which doesn't satisfy your needs), will change into a brilliant new existence where money, Luck and love will come flowing towards you.
I foresee everything very clearly, and I am already preparing for you an serious study in great detail. I would like to show it to you as it would help you to prepare yourself for the prosperity which I see coming your way.
In this work that I am preparing for you, I will be able to show you your new life, your marvelous life, if you decide to listen to me and follow the advice that I prepare for you.
I saw that your existence was going to change totally in the days to come! But beware, Friend, because it will be a difficult abyss to cross, because at this decisive stage all could be lost. You would risk living in misery until the end of your days, without having the least good fortune to see to change of any kind.
And if you want to benefit from this marvelous dream life, this life in which all you do will succeed, it will be necessary to know how to get past this difficult turning point in your life.
Since I dedicate myself to the wellbeing of others, I realize that it is always very difficult to pass by a precipice as precarious as the one that you are going to meet.
I am starting a Predictions study about you and your near future, and I see marvelous events coming towards you one after another!
Love, Good Luck, Money, Happiness, --everything GOOD seems to be coming to you…
The dates you have just learnt are just a small glimpse into your future, and there is I know much more Good Fortune to look forward to!
I am sure that the coming months and weeks will allow you to realize your wildest dreams, and give you (finally) that which you desire most in the world. I am absolutely certain of this.
You must understand , Friend, that you are at a decisive turning point in your life. Due to the auspicious events that I have discovered for you, you are entering into a marvelous period of Good Luck, where you will be carried along in a tide of intense happiness and Good Fortune.
These will be, without doubt, the most beautiful days of your life!!
Everything leads me to believe that this auspicious period will afford the chance for you to completely change your existence, and most particularly the areas of relationships and finances.
This is because you have recently experienced a rare and exceptional event.
You heard the fuss about the Millenium BUG, which the computer experts believed would cause a lot of trouble…
You know the computers which program the elevators, the traffic lights, and even the air traffic control was going to be disrupted by the Millenium Bug! It was believed that even the bank machines, microwave ovens and airplanes would stop working…
It's the same sort of thing that happens in the astral realm and particularly in this year. Even the planets could have been stopped by this 'return to zero' on all of the computers.
However, nothing happened; there was no 'Bug', either on earth or in space and all continued as usual…
...all is well, and all is well especially for you!
For once you will benefit from this magnificent organization of the planets…
So you see, because of this famous millenium, the planets and other cosmic influences seem to be doing extraordinary things! For example, do you realize that last year there were 13 full moons instead of 12? Yes, the stars, (no doubt alarmed by the millenium change), produced one moon more! This shows you the supreme order of the astral realm.
This event created certain positive influences which will be very good for you. And as we cannot say exactly the date of the change from one millenium to the next, we will benefit from its effects for several years to come.
However, those who have good fortune in their lives risk to lose some, whereas those who have little good fortune, like you Friend, stand to have their luck multiplied by 100, even by 1000!
Thanks to this planetary configuration, I am sure that exceptionally good luck will come to you in every area of your life, (particularly in those of romance and money.)
I can say with certainty HOW AND WHEN those happy events will occur…
I will note all of the dates and events which can bring you LUCK, LOVE and MONEY during the next seven months in a very profound and precise Predictions which I am preparing for you.
This Great Clairvoyance confirms my first impressions; your life will be turned around completely during the next weeks. Most importantly, I can give you some new predictions Friend which you can depend upon in the next 7 months.
Beside each of your important dates and events, I shall note what to do to secure success in Money and Happiness, the joy of which you can scarcely imagine.
Yes, with my confidential information from the Great Clairvoyance of your 7 months of Good Fortune, you will soon write back to me to tell me of your newfound happiness! You will want to share stories of your SUCCESS, JOY, LUCK, MONEY and LOVE, just as so many other people have done! (You can read their letters attached to this.)
Destiny has decided to give you a wonderful and RARE gift, and you will surely be on the road to HAPPINESS, LOVE and GOOD FORTUNE…
You are sure and certain to profit from each piece of Good Fortune which fate has ordained for you during the next 7 months, the most wonderful of your life.
Imagine what this will mean for you Friend.
Soon all your misfortunes, your debts and lack of money will be a distant memory…
LOVE, GOOD LUCK, MONEY and everything you always wished for will flow into your life, giving you a thousand joys.
I know that you do not entirely believe in what I say, and yet I give you my word that what I say will come true if you follow the simple advice given in my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Fortune.
Here are some more predictions
Remember, Friend, that at the beginning of this letter, I spoke to you of a chance meeting which would lead to something beneficial for you…
Well, I can tell you that this meeting will involve your emotions.
I cannot say more just now, but you will discover for yourself all the details of this meeting my Great Clairvoyance of your 7 MONTHS OF GOOD FORTUNE. All I can say is that this meeting will bring much happiness and may even bring about an important change in your life, (including your financial future).
On the financial side, it looks as if you have not yet received a large sum of money? I must tell you that you have not yet been ready to receive this, and one particular sum of money is very important! In fact, all the positive elements of your personality show me that money is about to arrive. Only one action is needed for you to grasp hold of it…
But be careful, Friend, because if you wish to receive this sum, and if you want to encounter this person who can change the course of your life, you must carefully follow the advice which I shall give in my Great Clairvoyance for the next 7 months of Good Luck. This is necessary for your happiness.
But, now, Friend, it is a good time to act and I shall tell you how.
I told you that great changes await you during the next few months, and particularly in the next 7 months.
You will meet several opportunities and you must choose which to go along with and those to avoid! If you seize these great opportunities which I mentioned, your life will truly start anew in a way you never envisioned…
On the other hand, if you miss out on these opportunities, they will not appear to you again for a THOUSAND YEARS! (You, sadly, will not be there to profit from them!!)
Destiny has ordained that you will benefit from this amazing time and its attendant luck and happiness. Be sure not to miss out on these unique and unexpected opportunities which offer themselves to you--be sure you take full advantage of them.
This is what you must do, Friend, to attain the happiness which awaits you: please give me your agreement and return the Special Offer which I have prepared especially for you.
Do it straight away, because you might forget and risk losing this bliss which is ready for you.
I remind you that I see many positive things available to you during the next 7 months……
My Great Clairvoyance of your 7 months of Good Fortune that I am preparing for you will truly be the path to your future joy.
So, if you really wish to improve your life, if you want Money, Love and Good Luck to be part of your life, act now – it is in your own best interest.
For you, Friend, I shall start by trying to send you a large sum of money. For this I shall decipher your SEVEN Lucky Numbers for the Miraculous Period of Good Fortune which awaits you. You can then use these 7 special numbers at the auspicious times which I shall also indicate to you. You must use these numbers on the dates I give you.
Then, I shall arrange a Special Ritual Ceremony for Money to influence your chances in the Miraculous Period of Good Fortune which you will experience. As I have seen during my long in-depth studies, you will receive a large sum of money (I have clearly seen the figure 80,000). I am feeling optimistic for you and I think that you can be optimistic also!
Finally, I will perform an Occult Magical Power Ritual to allow you to rid yourself of the negative vibrations which trouble you. This will help you directly to COMPLETE JOY, which you deserve and will be finally yours.
Here is what I shall do for you, Friend,
I shall send you by return mail my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Fortune.
The results of the Great Clairvoyance together with my Occult Magical Power Ritual, (which I shall send also), will lead you directly to the HAPPINESS you deserve.
Yes, Friend, let me send my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Luck and Good Fortune. I place all my faith and experience in these predictions because I had a very clear vision of your life in the study I did for you. I will be able to give you the details and the exact way to take to lead you to the great HAPPINESS which must be yours, and to the WEALTH, because I saw also quite clearly that you will be rich; I saw that very clearly!
In my Great Clairvoyance for your 7 months of Good Luck, I shall also tell you:
how certain planets influence your life and determine your most auspicious times, your lucky times, your meetings with different people and your relationships with them.
I shall reveal:
how others see you, what they think of you and how sensitive you are. Some new revelations about yourself, your personality and also about those who surround you…
I shall help you discover:
your real capacities
how lucky you really are
your true talents
your secret gifts and aptitudes…
I shall disclose:
the obstacles within yourself which trouble you, the 'mental blocks' which prevent your success. However, I shall tell how to increase your good luck, how to avoid obstacles and to make decisions at the best times, taking advantage of these opportunities ahead of you.
They can bring you the 7 most wonderful months of your life (and the happiest).
However, that is not all, I shall do one thing for you, Friend. I know that your newfound happiness is written in golden letters in the astral sky—I 'SAW' it!
The third thing I would like to do for you, if you will allow me, is to do for you, Friend, a long series of Mystical Ceremonies, called High Protection Ceremonies that I will begin as soon as I have your agreement.
These mystical ceremonies are destined to recharge your forces Luck and your energy potentiel so you can fully benefit from their beneficial effects, so that the gates of love, money and luck open wide.
These mystical ceremonies will bring you, day after day, the indispensables elements that you lack of right now to make your every day life become and stay the marvellous Life you are about to experience and which should be yours forever.
It will be for you permanently a formidable beneficial occult action multiplying by 1000 you energy potential, to increase your forces of luck, success and happiness.
From this day forward, I will devote myself to the establishment and the keeping of the Great Happiness in your life.
I am so happy to think that it will be for you the beginning of a new and exceptional life if you make today the right choices.
Yes, Friend, I promise you, I place you under high constant protection and if you trust me and if you follow the advice I will give you, LUCK, LOVE and MONEY will enter your life and will neevr leave you.
This decisive step is like a huge gate that will open itself to a better world. Alone at this moment, you seem to me to be too weak to push it and open it and benefit from the Treasures that your future holds for you.
But if we are two, you, Friend, with your faith, and me and my abilities and powers, I promise you that we will be able to open that gate. We will succeed in opening it together, and discover this new and wonderful world that you can't even imagine…
This is what awaits you if you make this important step.
If you future may be porr and dark if you don't succeed in making this step, it my be brilliant and successful if you do succeed.
If you make this important step victoriously, a new life, totally different from the one you are living right now, will come to you, this life will be the true marvellous Existence that you deserve.
Not knowing the loose ends and diffculties, with credits or debts to pay back, but having instead all the money you need and even more (I have seen coming a large sum…)
Not knowing lonelinesss and disarray, but feeling instead Friendship and Love, having always someone next to you, someone to talk to, on whom you cant count ant who loves you,
Not beeing the victim of oneself shyness, blocks, but finding back instead the great confidence in oneself, beeing aware of your radiance, your charm, feeling full of insurance,
Never doubt yourself and your future again, but having faith in yourself again and the certainty of a bright future,
You will see a brilliant future opening in front of you, which will make you more confident in yourself and will give your happiness and hope,
And you will be able to verify yourself this saying: Money attracts money, luck attracts luck, love attracts love.
Yes, Friend, the more you will be lucky - and trust me you will - the more luck will come to you. The more you will have money the more money will come to you. This is how the world works and that is how I see your new life.
Yes, if you truly make this important step in your life in the right conditions, you can believe me, your life will be really different from the one you are living today.
But you must act now,
Yes, if you truly wish your life to change, if you truly desire money to fulfill every desire you have, if you want to be attractive, have faith in yourself, retain luck, live a life that is different from your current one, it is now that you must act, now and not later.
This is why I'm telling you, act now and fill in your Help Request to make the right step for a Marvellous Life (the marvellous Existence you deserve) and send it to me right away. It is really important pour you and your future!
Above all, give me your agrement right now
Now it is a good time to complete your Help Request for my Great Predictions for your 7 months of Good Luck and to return it as soon as possible to me…even today! Thus you will be sure not to forget and above all gain from all these opportunities for happiness which await you in the 7 most marvelous months of your life.
I kiss you with all my heart and once again wish you, dear Friend, every happiness you deserve.
Your Friend,
PasquaLina,
PS. I remind you that you will be able to benefit from all these events which will occur in the next 7 months. You can take advantage of all these opportunities for happiness and financial gain. Seize the opportunity, because it will not occur again for 1000 years!
Dear Friend, I want you to take advantage also of a discount on the total amount of my fees. I want you to benefit from the important GIFT because I truly wish for your HAPPINESS and I don't want you to miss out on all these opportunities for HAPPINESS and MONEY, which will bring you the marvelous life for which you have longed.
Complete quickly your Help Request for my Great Predictions for your 7 months of Good Luck,
Too bad about the pitch at the end. Nothing's for free.
anticipating a memory
My heart beats fast everytime I think of the possibility of something I've wanted for so long. It appears unreachable, yet possible all at once, and my heart races. I swear, my blood pressure goes up so high.
I'm reading C.S. Lewis' s A Grief Observed. He is surprised to no longer know a man he hadn't seen in 10 years, though he had no reason for thinking that the "facts" he remembered regarding this man were false:
"I had known all these things once and I met them the moment I met them again. But they had all faded out of my mental picture of him, and when they were all replaced by his actual presence the total effect was quite astonishingly different from the image I had carried about with me for those ten years."
That's how I feel now. Regardless of the beauty I recall in the moments we shared, I can't imagine him feeling the same after all the time has passed. And yet I feel it. And I feel it's possible of him.
The hardest thing to deal with is the void. The absence of someone who knows you---who sees past the smile that comes so easily. So that you don't have to explain everything from the beginning. So that someone understands that you're not all right. I feel like I have to convince people that I'm not always happy; that complications make my brain go round and round. It truly is a whirlpool.
It's funny how we shield ourselves from love and yet want it so badly. When confronted with the possibiliy, we want to be sure we won't be rejected. And yet, it seems stupid. Why be afraid of something so beautiful? Because we feel awkward when it's not reciprocated. I don't understand, necessarily, why that is. I mean, that if it doesn't go quite right, we get all weird. It's just love.
I'm reading C.S. Lewis' s A Grief Observed. He is surprised to no longer know a man he hadn't seen in 10 years, though he had no reason for thinking that the "facts" he remembered regarding this man were false:
"I had known all these things once and I met them the moment I met them again. But they had all faded out of my mental picture of him, and when they were all replaced by his actual presence the total effect was quite astonishingly different from the image I had carried about with me for those ten years."
That's how I feel now. Regardless of the beauty I recall in the moments we shared, I can't imagine him feeling the same after all the time has passed. And yet I feel it. And I feel it's possible of him.
The hardest thing to deal with is the void. The absence of someone who knows you---who sees past the smile that comes so easily. So that you don't have to explain everything from the beginning. So that someone understands that you're not all right. I feel like I have to convince people that I'm not always happy; that complications make my brain go round and round. It truly is a whirlpool.
It's funny how we shield ourselves from love and yet want it so badly. When confronted with the possibiliy, we want to be sure we won't be rejected. And yet, it seems stupid. Why be afraid of something so beautiful? Because we feel awkward when it's not reciprocated. I don't understand, necessarily, why that is. I mean, that if it doesn't go quite right, we get all weird. It's just love.
Sunday, March 07, 2004
tuning
In sax class last Wednesday, our teacher asked us to notice what happens when you become in tune with the other person. The observation was that the person trying to tune disappears.
I thought that this describes what it feels like to be in tune with someone you love. You disappear. Not like you're no longer there and they consume you, but you're no longer conscious of what you're trying to do. Everything becomes natural. Interesting, too, is the fact that you have to keep maintaining your breath---feeding the instrument to keep the sounds waves moving together. You have to listen carefully.
The other person disappears, too, when you take the lead, and ask them to hear you and move in sympathy. Sometimes, you don't know it, but you're the one holding them up---helping them tune to you.
It takes work. It takes perseverance, and a building up of strength. But in the end you make beautiful music.
I thought that this describes what it feels like to be in tune with someone you love. You disappear. Not like you're no longer there and they consume you, but you're no longer conscious of what you're trying to do. Everything becomes natural. Interesting, too, is the fact that you have to keep maintaining your breath---feeding the instrument to keep the sounds waves moving together. You have to listen carefully.
The other person disappears, too, when you take the lead, and ask them to hear you and move in sympathy. Sometimes, you don't know it, but you're the one holding them up---helping them tune to you.
It takes work. It takes perseverance, and a building up of strength. But in the end you make beautiful music.
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