sleep

I've been feeling it for at least three weeks now. It's so hard to shake.

Perhaps more sleep will help, healthier eating. It's all chemicals, right? There are triggers, certainly, but the ability to cope all has to do with chemicals. I don't completely buy that, but it's worth a shot.

I've really been missing him and our friendship as it used to be. I feel like it's just not the same. This goes in waves, though. This is why I think I may just be extra emotional lately.

But I know that things are, in fact, different. I miss my best friend. Though I know it would have been harder on me in the end had I not brought the subject up, I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing, at the right time.

I almost want to call him and tell him that all I want is for our friendship to be the same as it was, but I'm afraid he won't even know what the difference is, and that will hurt me more.

I want to ask him to visit more, to keep me company like he used to. This, I figure, is fair, as I see my other close friends at least once a week. I haven't seen him in three.

But again, I'm afraid it will all be taken the wrong way. I'm not denying that, obviously, there are still feelings there, but it's the truth that my aim is not to change his mind.

On the other hand, I don't know whether having him around more often will help me. Maybe what I need is distance. But how do you keep your distance while maintaining a friendship? I couldn't do it with my ex, so how could I do it now, with someone who has been even more of a friend to me to start?

And then there's the job. I want so much to do well in that. I don't want to screw up. And yet there are these little details that escape my attention. I don't want to seem incomptent, but I'm also so tired.

And then there's the music. I'm not spending nearly enough time on that as I should. It's just one thing after another. I'm very tired.

Sleep, yes, sleep. That's what I'll do for now.