wish

You know what I wish for most right now? That he would just come home. I really have given up, as in I no longer expect anything. I don't expect e-mails or phone calls, or funny stuff relayed.

I haven't written about this lately, or blogged too frequently, because I'm truly having an awesome summer so far!! It's been a good balance between thinking time and doing time, me time and other people time. So, it has become easier for me to distance myself from the situation.

I still really miss him though. And he has NO idea. Someone commented sometime ago that I should just tell him. I can't right now. He's not here. So, it's hard to tell whether there might be a hint of anything he felt before. But the fact that I don't know doesn't bug me too much now.

I wish he'd just come home. And I wish a thousand other beautiful things, though wistfully, and without much hope. I no longer really chase after it like I used to, that is, to the extent that unspoken emotions can "chase".

All that happened to change the way I look at it is that I got tired of the push and pull of emotions. It wasn't good for me---the thinking, analyzing. Thankfully, there's a limit to how much trouble I will allow myself to go through. If I have to work so hard and always feel like I don't get anything out of it, then it can't all be good. Maybe that just means it's not right. Period. The end.

So that's why I gave up. That's why I don't get the tingly feeling I used to get when he'd say something even remotely sweet. I just take them as they are...words on a page, meaning nothing more than the most basic implications of language in context, with no imposed connotations.

Still, I wish he were here.

For those who read this...how are you guys doing? What's life like on your side of the world? I hope all is well and the world is full of colour for you! If any of you have blogs, I'd be happy to take a peek, if you'll let me. If not, that's cool too.