packing it in

...and up!

My last day of work was yesterday and my new job starts on Monday. I have moments when the reality of how great my life is hits me, when I think that really, I own the world. Leaving this job has left me with a healthy sense of my accomplishments, and of the fact that people actually did appreciate what I did for them; and beyond that, who I am. I have people really wanting me to have a house warming party so they could come and associate with me. Me! I didn't think I had extended myself enough for people to even care who I really am. I've written of some very dark moments in this blog. Many of those moments, I experienced here. I often thought that I was no longer myself, that I had grown tired of people, and I felt myself apologizing silently for not being better.

Whether I've grown so accustomed to pretending, or if people just forgave me for being human once in a while...I don't even know. But I feel truly blessed to be where I am right now. Sometimes, it's still not easy. I still second-guess myself, and I can scare myself sometimes, with thoughts of failure, and how fragile everything really is. We're all hanging on a thread, whether we know it or not...just look at all these people I've talked to, just like you and me, so "normal", and yet so broken. To me, nothing separates us but a moment of control that could slip away at any time. But the point is that sometimes, I'm still really scared that this will crash on me. This time, though, I'm taking the time to relish it.

I have been so touched by everyone's words of appreciation and the time they have taken to make my farewell party amazing. I can't get over it!! It makes me think I'm a pretty darn great person! Wow!!

Anyway, after getting sucked into watching The Two Coreys (I swear, TV is evil), I'm back to packing up. It's funny, I'm just taking things off walls and not even doing the usual one-last-look. I guess I'm really ready for the next thing!

And now Britney Spears is playing on Winamp, ooooh yeah, "get it, get it, (deep breathing), ....I'm a slaaaave for you...."