some time to myself

I'm saddened by the lack of motivation to write these days.

What's been going on? Well, work, work, and work again. I've been doing okay, except for the occasional difficult case, emotions and all. I keep trying to tell myself that it's just a job, but it's terribly difficult cutting off anyway.

I'm afraid that one of my staff no longer thinks I care to support him in his difficulty and that he'll start acting up like he did in the beginning of the year. There's already a bit of evidence of that. I'm hoping he'll remain professional.

A great job opportunity is before me too. They really seem to want me to stay and are trying to keep me. But it's hard, when I value creativity (and sanity!) most. I could earn lots of money, wipe out my student debt, and save for some real estate. Man, I better make it or else I may regret this one. No, not true. I think this is draining me.

I'm once again at a crossroads. I sense I'm about to pick up and start a new phase in my life. It's exciting and scary, as these things usually go. Where will I live? Where will I work? Will I be successful at it? I'm gonna miss this place. It's truly my home. It's been my home for 6 years. But it's also starting to make me feel cloistered. I don't want to step out my door for fear of what I might encounter, i.e. for fear that I'll have to work when I don't want to. Despite the reminders in my head that each case is an opportunity and not merely a task, I no longer feel satisfied. Nor do I feel altruistic.

My best friend's getting married. That's another thing that's up. I'll be doing the maid of honour thing. Hope it's not too expensive, but I'm not holding my breath. It made me cry to be asked. We've know each other since we were kids, but I didn't know whether she thought of me as a best friend anymore since we're so busy these days. I'm glad she did. I love her so much and wish her all the happiness in the world!

Okay, losing steam with this post now. So, later!