yet another challenge

My mom asked me last week what we're going to do about the religion of the children. What? Isn't it a little too soon?

She figured it might be worth exploring before I get too emotionally involved. But I explained that unless there is emotional involvement, there really won't be any chance to work anything out.

Anyway, thruth is, B and I talked about our religious differences and how it might affect children. I'm Catholic. I'm not hardcore about it, but I do go to church every Sunday. I'm not the best at fasting and abstinence...I have been known to eat meat on Fridays during Lent. I disagree with the Church's stance on many issues, homosexuality, divorce, etc...

But I value the opportunity my parents gave me to believe in God. This faith waivers all the time. I felt it most during my second year of university, as I took philosophy courses that I hoped would logically convince me of the existence of God. None of it worked. All I know is that part of me does believe, another doesn't. I get the same feeling turning my mind to faith as I do when I try to analyze the feeling of "love". The object of thought vanishes and I grasp at traces.

My parents are worried about his being an atheist. He doesn't discount the possibility of a god, in the sense that anything is possible, but he doesn't believe it himself.

My parents worry that it will become more convenient for me to just drop my faith and all its obligations. I assured my mom that it's too ingrained in me. I don't even feel the inconvenience of scheduling things around Church, for example.

I'm worried that they'll never warm up to him completely because in their view, he brings with him the possibility that I won't be married in a church, the possibility that my kids won't be baptized. They are very nice to him, there's no doubt about that. But I wonder what barriers might be there naturally when their daughter's soul is in jeopardy.

I hope I find a priest that, should it ever come to marriage, will see the challenge we face. My mom explained that it's not a real marriage unless both parties believe in the sacrament. The way I see it, I can't see how a benevolent God could deny His blessing to someone who wants it. I don't understand why religion divides when it's supposed to help us live harmoniously. Ironically, "catholic" means "universal". Universal division? Exclusivity? Do I want to be married by a Church that doesn't recognize that there's a diversity of people in the world, and inevitably, good comes even from those who don't have institutional faith?

What good is a faith that only grows within, in the company only of those who share it? If anything, it should inform relations with those who don't have it. It should lead to understanding and inclusivity, not to convert others, but to give one the strength to deal intelligently with the challenges brought about by differences. If this means a modification of beliefs for the sake a genuine union, then why not?

I understand why the Church requires belief from both candidates for marriage. If one doesn't believe, what good is it? But God knows we live in the world. In all its glorious differences.

I nonetheless maintain the hope that, as many times before, my parents will soon see why they don't have to fear differences. Credit to them, they have many times before readjusted their view, their beliefs, because I argued so persistently against them.

Still, I want them to take B in, without reserve. He is such a genuine, kind, and thoughtful person. It hurts me to think that they won't see all of that no matter how beautiful he is, how happy he makes me, and how being with him makes me thrive.