flip the switch

I walked out of someone's room after rehearsing a song and as I walked down the stairs, I had a distinct feeling that something had changed. I could almost smell the scent of a new book's page being turned...You know, that smell that wafts upward when you're reading in a warm room in the summer.

I've been on the upswing this past week. I've smiled to myself a lot with the knowledge that I have a feeling of ownership over my playing...that it's all in my hands. I wasn't going to play for anyone, nor for any evaluation. It was all for me. I thought for a second that I would play for my family and friends who had been there all along for me, but I couldn't get away from the truth...I wasn't playing for any of them.

I walked onto the stage with a smile on my face. There was a rare clarity of mind as I heard the music and saw the keys. Before and after playing I saw the faces of the people that I currently share my life with. I wasn't alone, but I was by myself doing what only I could do.

I also had someone look at me differently yesterday. There was a warmth about the look and though it made me look away because it isn't anything I'm ready to handle, it does make me think of what I could have when I am fully ready.

There's momentum building up and it may very well place me where I'm meant to rest awhile. Like atop some calm plateau with a sunny view...hills and treetops...and the freedom of breath once again.