tired and sleepy

I really wanted to post today, but I spent time searching to see whether my blog is still listed on Blogarama and Blogwise. Somehow, I'm no longer on Blogarama.

Oh well.

Been much better lately, having done the things I love to do. Little by little, it will all come together. Introducing the optimistic me! Yes, it still exists.

What I need to do is ensure that I am not consumed by work, however. I'm just pretty new at this job, so I'm always anxious to be doing the right thing and not making hasty decisions.

I've also come to the conclusion that creativity is as essential to me as the air I breathe. I'm happiest when I can spend time doing it. I'm happiest when there's an audience for it because it's really the only way I can shut self-consciousness off. It's as though through art's guise, I can be excused from any shortcomings as the process of its creation is forgiving. Audiences might not always be so kind, but I think that for anyone who believes in the necessity of errors in the search for the right expression, there's even something about the rawest piece that allows a glimpse into the artist.

So, I've resolved that if my introverted nature can only come out through art in one form or another, then I have to do it. It's part of what's been missing all these years, as self-absorption (though I can also see how the creative process can lead to this) and emotional chaos have taken over too much.

Oh look, I've posted anyway.

G'night.