Today, when I woke up, I immediately thought, "I miss him."
Strange, because he hasn't gone anywhere. He's a phone call away. Less than a half hour ago, my cell rang, but I didn't pick up in time. I Googled the number and I found out that it came from a payphone right next to where he works. I thought the number looked familiar. The call came in just after he would normally finish work.
I wish I hadn't missed the call. I wish he had left a message. I know it's him. He has done this before and none of my friends are around there.
But what did I think would happen? Nothing. Though part of me is wishing that he called to chat. That he has thought things through and has changed his mind.
Funny how not thinking about someone all the time makes them seem distant. But I guess we both thought of each other today.
3 comments:
I feel so left out! I have been working so much that I haven't gotten a chance to keep up with my blog-reading ...
Sometimes I think we can't let go to things/people that hurt us because subconsciously we don't have the strength. Think about it. It's a lot harder to get over feelings and overcome heartbreak than it is to just lie to ourselves and pretend/give up excuses of why the opposite person is acting the way he/she is.
If we could all go on with our lives by just moving on so swiftly from one relationship to another, from one heartbreak to another, I think it would mean that we weren't really happy in the relationship to begin with. That, or we just didn't lie to ourselves enough by pretending we actually were in love with the person.
Because in all honestly, that's the thing I'm most scared of. Every time I get my heart broken and time goes by and it doesn't seem to hurt as much as I thought it would forever, I realize, that maybe I wasn't actually in love. And it's a lot easier to get over these really complicated relationships than to get over a real MUTUAL, heart wrentching, soul changing, life encomcassing love.
So I guess we should all technically rejoice in the fact that none of us have had to do that yet, to my knowledge at least.
em
www.jadingheart.com
I had a similar experience yesterday when travelling in central London. Amidst the chaos she was the first person I thought of. And I actually called her before I called my parents.
How very odd ...
Andrew
Yeah, I've wondered about how truly in love I have been. But I think that different people just get over heartbreak differently.
I know that at one time, I felt that my ex and I really shared the same soul. I was in love!
But I think I knew what I needed to do to let it go. I never lied to myself. I thought EVERYTHING through. I dealt with every possible hope. I also made it a point to do things for me...to fill up the empty space with things that would make me happy.
From reading your blog, em, I think you pretty much do the same. Sounds to me like you experience real depths of feeling.
But you're an accomplished person with definite goals. You get down, but you know when it's time to get up.
I think we've all been really, truly in love, but we know when to drown in the pain, when to leave it behind, and when the time is just right, we move on.
All you guys who comment on my blog seem so strong to me. You all feel so deeply for others, so the pain goes deep. But we're all doing something to make it better...whether it is by continuing to love unconditionally while accepting reality, or by starting over (w/c doesn't mean you stop loving the one who hurt you, either, in some way; you just do the best you can while still loving yourself).
I've had a great conversation with one of my best friends, and today, I feel stronger...can't you tell? :)
We'll see what happends tomorrow.
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