collide

We went out a few nights ago. I kept searching and searching for signs. I can't believe how dejected I felt when he mentioned this girl friend of his that I believe he became close to while he was away. I had to fight hard to shake it off. After all, he has liked me all this time, she's just a friend. But I'm so insecure about this whole thing. It's stupid. I can have guy friends. He can have girl friends. It's just that he's not with me right now. Not yet sure whether he ever will be.

I successfully shook it off though, and I was fine after the show.

We had a wonderful time at the pub. Recalling the night with a friend, I realized how great it really was. We talked about those strange things that people on dates talk about...obscure observations that we share a mutual understanding about. You know, those things that you say because you know it triggers something in the other; because you know it attracts them. Except that I didn't know I was doing it until after replaying it in my head the night after. I also barely noticed he was doing it until the replay.

If it were a real date, it was a damn good one, ensuring a next. But we were just hanging out as friends. And a next time is assured.

At the start of the evening, as we ate, I was looking at his face thinking, "This guy? Seriously? What do you see in him? Can you really see yourself with him?" The thing is, it doesn't matter what my answers are to these questions. I was just seeing him there, in front of me. I didn't need to answer them, in fact, I forgot the questions in very little time. I just know how I feel. Period. The end.

Incidentally, I found myself looking at his lips, wondering how kissing them would work. It's been ages since I've kissed someone.