I'm gonna do it...gonna tell him.
We were hanging out a few days ago. There he was, cute as always. Laughing his head off over words. It was great! And I kept thinking, "I'm crossing that line. He has no idea. This could all end. And he has no idea what's coming."
And it seems almost impossible that he will reciprocate. I haven't seen any indication of it lately.
Since making the decision, though, I haven't worried about it as much. It's nice having control of something. Knowing something is coming is better than wondering what life will bring.
I still think about whether I should change my mind, though. Look at all that will change! Could be for something even better. But it could also not be. It could be weird. It may never be the same.
We sat there, free of tension. It was simply nice. And I wondered whether he was thinking of me at all in that way as he spoke. I wondered, when we alluded to the night he told a friend how he feels about me, whether he recalled their conversation in a flash, just as it flashed in my head. It was funny. We were talking about this guy and whether or not he was in this commercial. He didn't believe he was but I said that he actually admitted it. He didn't hear this because he was out talking to our friend while I was talking to the guy. Just as he told me he didn't know about the admission, I realized why and we both looked down at the menus.
I also sent him an e-mail with something funny, but sexual in it. I do this with my friends all the time, but have been careful not to do this to him. I think I may have scared him...no clever quip returned.
Oh man, the things coming to him, and he has no idea. I sure hope I'm not making a mistake. I wish I could read his actions more, but I know I can't really know what he's thinking. We've been steering clear of this topic for 3 years almost, I'm sure we've become good at not being obvious.
Here's hoping that I don't turn back. So far, I haven't changed my mind and it's almost 2 wks since I've made the decision. I haven't acted because there's a rather specific timing involved.
4 comments:
You might remember that I left some comments on your blog recently. The fact is that I stumbled upon your blog randomly and have been following it ever since. The reason for my interest is that I went through something similar recently. In my case I waited for 6 months and ended up with an answer that I didn't like. A month after that she went back to her ex of 2 years.
Please don't draw any conclusion from this. I just feel like telling someone, and am more comfortable doing this anonymously online. I hope things work out for you.
Andrew
no worries. there's no negative conclusion that i haven't played out in my head.
oh wow. i'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. at least you'll never regret doing it.
that's what i'm hoping for myself. i'm about to change an awesome friendship and that already tears me up.
is it true that guys like to do the chasing? i wonder whether he won't like that i've made the first real move.
also, i've appreciated your comments.
are you guys still friends?
I'm in constant suspense of your love life.
I hope you know what you've done to me!
LOL.
em
you and me both! :)
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